Bali Hindhu Marriage.

Marriage.

There are three ways of marrying in Bali, suck as “ngerorod” (clopping), “mepadik” (by request) and “melegandang” (by force or kidnapping). Ngerorord is the easiest and cheapest way to marry and this is done by the most important Triwangsa groups and “melegandang” is done by impatient or desperate young men whose love for the girl is rejected or when the girl keeps postponing the day of marriage. “melegandang” is against the law and therefore dangerous. If something goes wrong one can land in jail.

Before 1950 when very few boys and still fewer girls went to school courting a girl by boy was not done. Love was kept a great secret. No one except the girl, the boy and the “ceti”, an intermediary, knew of their love until the moment come to involve the boy’s closest members of the family.

Eloping is still done in the same way as before. One elopes in early evening, because if one does it in broad daylight it can be considered “Melegandang”, KINNAPING. On the evening of the eloping the parents of the boy has two messengers ready, armed with lamps posted at a convenient distance from entrance gate of the girl’s compound, but so that it attracts as little attention as possible. Another group of men is to take the girl to the house where the young couple is going to hide and where the boy is waiting for her. As soon as the girl is safely in the hands of this other group the messenger with the lamps enter the compound and notify the father of the girl that this daughter has eloped with her lover. Notified this way the father has no right to go after the elopers. He has to wait for further developments. Having notified the parents of the girl the task of the “pejati” is over.

The next night another group of messengers arrive at the house of the girl and these messengers discuss with her father whether he takes this boy as son-in-law or not. If he likes son-in- law he conveys his agreement through these messengers that he has no objections to this daughter marrying her lover. In this case on the third day of their hiding the young couple goes through cleansing ceremony, called “bebeakala”, in the compound of this hiding. This ceremony is for the couple as well as for the compound, because by hiding there the couple makes the compound unclean or polluted. In the early evening on this day the young couple, escorted by family and friends, goes to the bride’s father to ask him for forgiveness. This ceremony is called “melepeh”, in the north Bali and as requirements the young couple brings gifts of fruits and home-made cakes, called “bantal alem”, as proof of the cordial relationship of both families.

In a case of eloping the wedding ceremonies take place later when the bridegroom has enough money to finance it. On this wedding the girl goes back to her maiden home to take leave from her house temple gods.

If her father does not agree with her choice for a husband he tells the messengers that the boy can do anything necessary for the wedding, but he does not want his daughter to come. The family tie is cut off.

Nowadays since boys and girls go to school and get an education marriage by request is considered the only proper way to marry. Marriage by request takes time and a lot of doing. If a girl agrees to marry her boy friend she asks him to go to her parents to for her hands. The boy and his parents, escorted by many members of the family and friends, on the appointed day go to the parents of the girl. After the parents of the boy have told the parents of the girl what purpose of their coming is and the girl’s parents agree in principal, the girl is called and asked whether she is willing to be the wife of her lover. After the girl has said “yes”, the boy’s parents come out with a propitious day for the marriage. If everything is agreed on the boy and his parents go back home.

On the agreed propitious day the boy and his parents, again escorted by as many people as possible to impress the girl’s family, go back to the girl’s home to fetch her. This time the boy is dressed in the bridegroom’s attire ready for the wedding ceremony to take place. Before the girl leaves her maiden home she goes to her house temple to take leave from her house temple gods and her ancestors. The boy goes with her and prays with her. When this praying and taking leave is done the girl take leave from parents and family and join the boy.

The Wedding ceremony takes place as soon as the young couple arrives in the bridegroom’s home. First “mebeakala” or “mekalal-kalaan” takes place in the yard of the compound, usually in the front of the guardian shrine or the gate of the house temple. Later in the afternoon another ceremony takes place, this time in the “bale gede”, a building especially made for this purpose, in front of many wedding offerings. A high priest or a “pemangku” officiates and when this is done the couple is officially married.

“Melegandang” or kidnapping is very seldom done, because it is frowned upon, for it is a disgrace for the boy’s as well as the girl’s family. But it has to be done if the boy really loves her too much and the girl keeps postponing to say yes.

Nowadays “melegandang’ is done mostly by car. This is the easiest and safest way to do it, because the boy tries to take her as far away as possible from her village, so that her parents need much time to find out her hiding place. The boy also needs time to persuade her to marry him.

As soon as the father is informed of his daughter being kidnapped he send out search parties to find out where she is hidden. When this is found out he sees the head of the village of her hiding place. In the presence of the head of the village as witness he asks her whether she loves her boy friend or whether she is taken by force. Usually after a few days with the boy the girl admits that she loves his kidnaper, because she rather reconcile with her lot than go back to her village and be a marked girl. In such a case the boy is free.

On the other hand if the girl does not reconcile with her fate and still consider her kidnapping a great offence to her and admits that she is taken by force the boy is in great trouble. He is brought into court and goes to jail.

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